Being okay
Day 7: How your parents took it or how you think they might take it.
Goodness. Sometimes I don’t want to know. I’m about 95% sure about how Ma would react, though. I do admit that sometimes she can surprise me, but from the several awkward talks we’ve had about her not wanting me to “be around girls too much,” I have an inkling that she wouldn’t be too happy. Ba, on the other hand, is… changing. He used to yell at me that I was going to live on the street when I played violin in 5th grade, but now whenever he sees anything music-related, he calls me over to come take a look or try it out. He has become much more accepting of who I am over the years. I seriously don’t know how my dad would react.
I think the worst part about how I think Ma would react is that she wouldn’t believe me. She, like other people, might say that I am “confused.” I’ve been “hanging out with those people” and they “convinced” me that I was like them (I’m not exaggerating; she does believe I can “turn gay” because she thinks I’m easily impressionable). A lot of people, even some people in the LG[B]T community, don’t believe that being bisexual is a real sexual orientation. They say, “You’ll pick one side eventually,” or worse, accuse us of claiming that sexuality just because we want to have a wider selection of sex partners. Kind of ridiculous.
I’ve had a few heated (and unsuccessful) conversations with Ma about same-sex parents and adoption, too. I know for a fact that I want to have (or adopt) children at a later point in my life. She still stands firm about loving only blood-related family members, and also about children needing both a mother and father. Even if I married a man, she might not love our children because I’m about 75-80% sure that I want to adopt. Depressing side note.
I know my parents wouldn’t disown me or stop loving me; they’re really good parents, and I am thankful for that. I just have this weird, queasy feeling when I think about how they might be disappointed in me for not being the daughter they want me to be, or love me a little - just a little - less than if they hadn’t known.
- Having people I can talk to about this stuff
- Knowing that my parents wouldn’t shun me
- Not living in fear of rejection from my parents
- Having a supportive sister
- Roomie’s mom (the only parent-like person who knows)
- My parents not hating LGBT people (because things can be A LOT worse)
- Living in this decade instead of a past one when things were much harder
- Being okay with who I am
- My sexual orientation being no big deal to my friends
- Having resources and wisdom from others
