Some days, joining a convent is appealing more so than others. Today is one of those days.
- Sleeping in so hard
- Hitting the gym today!
- Peaceful lunches at home
- Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning
- Going over manual techniques w/Dr. Scholl
- Having coffee and planning his 2nd Europe trip
- Amazing poke rice bowls
- The best soft serve I’ve ever had
- Playing with my new camera (finally getting somewhere)
- Working on some awesome covers
Good night, Tumblr. Until next time.
Not breathing into a paper bag
Ok, before I say anything, have you SEEN this video? YouTube dream come true <3 (Ryan Higa does the best job, in my opinion)
That, and I’m in love with Kina Grannis. Good thing I’m going to see her in May :)
Man, I love how she is embracing change. I may have also caught whatever she has because I keep cutting my hair.
So back to physical therapy.
Like the starts of all of my internships at a new site, I have been overwhelmed with anxiety. Heart racing before every patient. Feeling of impending doom before the more complex patients. Feeling like I don’t have the ability to help these people like I should. Feeling like I should be doing better. Feeling like I can’t remember what I’m supposed to do because I’m on a time crunch. Feeling horribly incompetent, in a nutshell.
But I have to remind myself everyday, throughout the day, when I feel like crumpling into a ball, that this is normal. Everyone feels this way in the beginning. Most PT’s don’t truly feel comfortable with their job until years in. The anxiety is normal, and it will go away hopefully in a few weeks. To relieve some of my anxiety on the BART ride to work yesterday, I wrote down 10 things patients have said to me since I started two weeks ago:
- "Gracias por todo"
- "My neck hasn’t been bothering me"
- "My shoulder feels significantly better"
- "I’m excited to see you later today"
- "This is the best part of my day"
- "I’m walking better already!" (same day eval/Tx)
- "Where were you when I was one?" (as in 1 y/o)
- "Thank you for taking the time to see me"
- "My neck is feeling better"
- "The pt. you saw last week said she’s sleeping better" - our coverage PT
Feeling better. As much as we want to help everyone, sometimes we can’t. There are a few more complex cases I can’t figure out yet. I am trying my best and racking my brain because they trust me… who knows what will happen in the next few weeks?
Dr. Scholl has been immensely helpful these past few weeks. It means so much to receive feedback, advice, and comforting words from someone who went through the same things a year ago. I really think I would be crying and breathing into a paper bag every other day if it weren’t for him.
Going to get ready for my second job. You know what that means… two clinics, twice the anxiety!!11!!1!
So it’s been a while.
I delivered a lot of cupcakes. I submitted a lot of resumes. I went on a few interviews. I was offered two jobs.
And I took them.
Two part time jobs in two very different clinics. Both outpatient orthopedic :) One with high load of patients and PT aides, and the other with 45 minute one-on-one treatment.
I was happy to have interviews with outpatient ortho clinics at all. Word on the street is that they all want someone with experience, so landing a job in that particular setting as a new grad is difficult. Choosing to look for work in arguably the most competitive city of the Bay… I had my work cut out for me.
But alas, I found a job in my ideal setting, in the city of my dreams. I tell Dr. Scholl that every time I get to downtown from the BART and look up at all the buildings, I feel like a small town girl trying to make it in the big city! It’s a good feeling. Having lived in the Central Valley all his life, Dr. Scholl can relate. I am hopefully going to start a blog for the clinic downtown soon :)
The second job was a surprise. Feeling realistic and a little desperate, I had also applied to jobs outside SF. I was going to take this other interview just for the experience… but this may be the clinic of my dreams. The owner of the clinic is a FAAOMPT. He specifically stated he would set aside time to mentor me weekly. Even on the day of our interview he was teaching me things. This was after he surprised me with a “let’s have you evaluate my neck!”
Kids, if you’re wondering whether or not you’d be intimidated by evaluating a Fellow’s C/S after being out of practice for over 6 months… you would be. But he was super nice. And he believes in me. It’s kind of amazing.
So far it’s been 2 weeks of working in downtown SF, and a few pre-work training sessions down south. This week I will officially be working at both clinics on alternating days.
More on my roller coaster feelings of “I LOVE MY JOB” to “I AM A FAILURE” later.
- BEING EMPLOYED
- SAYONARA, CUPCAKES
- Doing what I was meant to do
- Good interview experiences
- Dr. Scholl prepping me for my interviews and encouraging me to apply to the clinic where I am now working
- That wonderful feeling of being offered a job
- Fellow appreciating the neatness and organization of my resume :)
- My patients. I love them ^_^
- Learning all these awesome things and receiving feedback from Fellow
- New work shoes :3
Did I mention I love my patients?
Learning to be spontaneous
I had a half day on Wednesday and I thought to myself, “I could use this extra time to study, clean, and work on all my side projects. It’ll be great!”
"OR I COULD GO PLAY AT THE BEACH!!!"
I called up Physics Guy when I got back to Dary Silly and we walked to the beach from his house. I took off my shoes, rolled up my work pants, and walked on the beach with him. Feeling the sand beneath my feet was wonderful.
Eating burritos with French fries was also wonderful, as was seeing the new Wes Anderson film, The Grand Budapest Hotel at the one and only Kabuki theater.
It was great to have a spontaneous afternoon. For a person who typically knows what she’s doing from the minute she wakes up to right before she flops her head on her pillow, spontaneity is nice every now and then. I’m learning bit by bit.
- Walking to the beach from his house… what?!
- Dogs everywhere!
- Not wearing shoes outside on a weekday?!
- California burritos, because they are the best burritos
- Finally watching a movie at Kabuki
- Enjoying the wonders of Wes Anderson
- Dat fuzz on his face, I love it (not Wes Anderson’s)
- Coffee and French toast the next morning
- Talking things out and things getting better
- My leftover sandwich for dinner, because leftovers rock
My closest friends are aware of the resentment I have held toward someone this year and last. I was like, pretty damn mad. Like, I had imagined scenarios in which we would run into each other, and I’d give this person a piece of my mind. And throw cupcakes everywhere.
But I have good news. I’m not mad anymore. This person reached out to me shortly after my birthday and we texted a bit. Honestly, I initially responded because I sorely needed something which I believed was rightfully mine. Then on the bus ride to meet with this person, all the anger and resentment melted away. It was like I had maxed out on my ability to be angry. So much wasted energy on one person. I knew this person meant well, really.
So we met, and… we talked like old friends. It was such a great feeling to not be mad! He gave me my needed item, and then I was off to work. Now we’re friends again and it’s great.
You know how sometimes when relationships end or get sour, you think, “I can’t believe EVERYTHING I have done for this person!” or “After ALL we’ve been through…!” Well, this person is actually making up for it. This person has been helping me immensely with some of the most important aspects of my life, willingly, wholeheartedly. And it is greatly appreciated.
Funny how life works out.
- Bagels & coffee
- My padfolio… my damn padfolio
- Being able to forgive
- The rare opportunity to be friends again
- All this help and advice saving my life
- Banana muffins on Crissy Field
- Old jokes that don’t die
- Having someone to talk with who knows what I’m going through
- Talking with someone who knows me really well
- How oddly this all worked out
How we connect with friends around the world
Earlier this year China Boy came back to the States to visit his parents for a couple weeks. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t make it up to Oregon to see him. I was such a sad panda. My dear, dear friend whom I haven’t seen face to face since we graduated college.
We made do, though. His internet connection in OR was much better than what he had in China, so we were able to Skype and get as close seeing each other as we could. I kind of got butterflies in my stomach, in the best way. We had chatted online and messaged each other for years, but we were finally going to see each others’ faces! We connected, and it was the greatest thing. Reunited with my old friend.
We talked about everything under the sun. One of these things was how he watched Cloud Atlas on his plane ride over here. I told him I had liked the movie so much that I was planning on reading the book. He said he felt the same way! We joked about starting an online book club.
And so the next day I ventured into a bookstore in Pacific Heights and found two copies of Cloud Atlas. This was going to be another, more tangible way, for us to connect. I wrapped it up and shipped it over to OR, hoping it would make it on time before he went back to China (who knows if a package would ever make it there… and don’t get me started on shipping rates!).
We had scheduled to Skype one more time before he returned to China. It was his last night and we were chatting up another storm. I asked him if he received anything in the mail, and he went to go check. He got my package his last night before we left! He giddily unwrapped it and seemed quite pleased with the book :) It was like Christmas on Skype.
Anyway, that was just a tidbit of my January that made life feel really worthwhile :) He’s done with the book now, and I’m finally putting a dent in it. Can’t wait to discuss it soon :)
- True blue friends since freshman year of college
- His genuine smile
- How warm I feel when he tells me he appreciates me
- China Boy’s awesome artwork
- How books and common interests bring people together
- Internet. It keeps us connected in an efficient and economical manner
- His package making it on time!
- Grabbing the only two copies of Cloud Atlas from the store
- Getting immersed in the book during long bus rides
- Just feeling downright giddy!